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Jan 15
2:37 AM

The Last Post

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I never thought I’d see the day when I quit something. I mean, c’mon, it’s so unlike me. (For those of you just joining us, that’s some horrible timing — this is the last post for this blog.) If I’m gonna go out though, I’m gonna do it with style.. and substance! So over the past week, I’ve put together a mega last post. How mega? Super mega. So mega, I split it into five pages. I even had to beef up the theme for intra-post paging.

So, let’s get this post a’ rolling. We’ve got a lot of stuff to cover, so I hope you’ve got nothing to do for the next twenty minutes or so. And if you’re partially reading bits at a time, while Alt+Tab-ing to a spreadsheet whenever someone walks by so it looks like you’re doing work, stop that (Earl, I’m looking in your direction). Come back when you have time. Or stand up, gather everyone around your computer, and read it to them. Think of the man hours you’ll waste!

 

As I said, this post covers a lot. And as such, it has more than just words. Sound, for one. Video and sound, for two. Video, sound, pictures and pickled peppers for four. But we’ll get to that. Anyway, monitoring the sound levels I have Camel, my giraffe. Say hello Camel.

how’re those levels, Camel?

Also with me is my friend and yours, the ever-lovable Bernard. He’s been great over the past year.. be it to bounce ideas off of, or just chat philosophically with when I feel uninspired. So when he said he wanted to do a little something in video form for my last post, I told him to go for it. And here it is.

Oh, Bernard..

Yeah, o..k.. thanks.. Bernard. Note that that was all him.. I just helped him out a little. That dog has one strange sense of humour.

Uh…
 

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, we can get down to it. But first, we must get some unpleasantries out of the way. Mainly, the unpleasantry of the day, the site closure.

When I wrote the last post (well, the previous post that is, not the current post entitled The Last Post, which is this one), I wasn’t really sure if I was doing the right thing. If no one really flinched on the announcement, then I had clearly misjudged the site’s status as being total unbridled.. uh, tolerably-existant. If everyone said “it’s about time you stopped wasting your time with that crap” then I clearly wasn’t done wasting time. I didn’t expect that kind of reaction, but nor did I expect the ever-stable somali nation-state to erupt into civil war when I did that research paper in grade 8. Of course, if you do the numbers you’ll realize they were well into a civil war that year. I probably should’ve used more recent sources. (Seems my attempt of topical humour morphed into talking about something that happened over ten years ago.. at least I’m going to stop there though and not commit an extra 20,000 words to the pointless cause. Hey I did it!)

Depressing African nations and middle-school oversights aside, the reaction I got from the announcement was actually unexpected. People I didn’t know even existed anymore came out of the woodworks (who knew I knew people who were in the woodworks) to tell me how they were avid and somewhat-avid readers and sad to see it go. I got ‘booed’ twice, yelled at a few times, and met with many depressed-for-effect friends. Overwhelming indeed. Here’s a letter from one such saddened individual.

Can it be true? I can actually…feel…my heart…breaking. How now will I fulfill my need for voyeurism?

At least I can anticipate the finale.

Inconsolably yours,
Josie

I feel bad for poor Josie. First she loses her hair to cancer (to donation, not disease), next she loses my blog, and now she has to go through life with nothing but a second-rate boyfriend. At least he takes her camping though. She likes snakes. I like pie. It would never have worked anyway.

 

I thought at this point I would elaborate on the reason for giving it up. Basically, I want to do other things. To do this blog right, I felt it had to go bigger. It felt wrong to relegate it to my nothing-better-to-do hobby. But going bigger meant more (at least as much) time, not less. You know the old adage — go big or go home. And I was already at home.. on my couch.. with a doritos dust all over my shirt. Ah, who’m I kidding.. I wasn’t wearing a shirt.

So, then, the next logical question is just what are these other things I want to do.

The first is women. Ha! Yeah, we better start over..

The first is writing. I want to do more writing. I know what you’re going to say — stopping blogging ’cause you want to write more makes about as much sense as licking raw chickens because you want to die less. Not that licking raw chickens ever makes that much sense.

I want to write longer items, with more cohesion and less reliance on… elipses. Of the list of things I may want to try writing on, none of them fit into this blog. It made more sense to close this off as one piece of work and move on to the next one. It could be another blog, it could be random shapes drawn on napkins.. I just don’t know yet.

Whatever it is though, writing or otherwise, I’ll probably be playing with my mac a lot more. People say I play with my mac too much as it is. But I don’t know.. can you really play with it too much? It’s probably directly related to my lack of a girlfriend. Though can you blame me. What else is there to do alone at night in a dark basement? And it’s so fun. Would probably be more fun with someone else, but as of yet I have not found anyone else who wants to join me. Maybe if it wasn’t in front of me all the time. I’ll be getting dressed after a shower, catch a glance of it in a mirror, and all I can think is “I’m gonna getcha”. Then three minutes later, I’ll have whatever program open and I’ll be spewing my crazy all over it.

Anyway, enough talking about my mac… whatever it is, it will be on anguswoodman.com. I’ll even set up an RSS feed over there so ya’ll can keep aprised. By the summer that site should see some neat stuff. Or perhaps, I’ll just say nuts to it all and completely hermitize myself. I’ve considered it before, though I always conclude that I’m content with just being a misanthrope.

 

The first page was just the beginning. Welcome to The Last Post.

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Tags: this site
Jan 5
2:39 AM

Farewell

My first post on this blog (when it started on the domain with my namesake) was when I just discovered The OC. Two years ago, during a particular terrible christmas break, I did a The OC marathon and it really brightened my holiday. Well, this morning they cancelled The OC. I’m still a devoted viewer, as was I through the story-lines that kinda sucked it hard, so this is quite a blow to my thursdays (it almost never sits on the TiVo into friday).

But this post is not to say farewell to The OC. No, today I am announcing the end of idlerhythm.com. Yes, through some strange connection, this blog is announcing its shut down on the very day of the The OC cancellation. And yes, I’ve been planning this for a while now. To continue the parallel, this site will be taken down at 10pm on Feb 22nd, just as the The OC conclusion wraps-up.

So why am I stopping? Two reasons, really. First, other people seem to enjoy reading my posts, and secondly, I actually like writing them. And in my book, that means it’s time to stop. When you can’t go anywhere without someone mentioning how much they liked a particular post, then I think a blog such as this has done what it came to do.

When I started this blog, it pretty much sucked. I had never blogged before, or written much outside of business school papers, or read more than two books in my life. But after a while (and you can disagree with me here) I believe I found a voice. The blog came from a distinct persona that lived in its own little world. There grew established boundaries (of ridiculousness) and writing posts that fit within became easier, faster, and more fun.

Now, it all may seem like total random stupid to you, just a bunch of ramblings — some funny, some totally asinine, and (perhaps most often) some straddling the line between. But much thought and effort went into it. It’s been a surprisingly big part of life, especially over the past year.

This is the 250th post, but this doesn’t count those which you haven’t read. There were many that have been half-written or scrapped right before I hit ‘Post’. Yes, I have quality and content standards. There were posts I wrote in my head while showering (a common occurrence) that just got lost because I was on my way somewhere. Then there’s my idea list. It’s huge, and written all over the place. Text files, notepads, napkins, wikis.. everywhere I look there’s usually a couple ideas tossed down. Most of these never see the light though, cause when I get an idea I like, I usually can’t stop myself from fleshing it out right away. Consider too all the tech stuff, and you can see that it took a nice chuck of time. But that’s ok, I was happy to do it.

Writing for this blog has become one of my favorite things to do and the feedback I have received, particularly lately, has made it all the better. So I thank you for reading and for your kind words.. and equally so for your less-than-kind words.. without those, how would I know what to improve.

But wait, that’s no way to cap off this blog. I have one more entry planned. So tune in next week for the series finale. It’s gonna be big.

And lastly, this entry has been a little serious. So how about a picture of a stuffed monkey touching himself.

credit goes to josie, my brother’s fiance’s sister, for taking this picture..

Ah, that’s more like it.

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
Cause now I see I will never stop this train

John Mayer - Stop This Train
Tags: spuds
Dec 24
4:01 PM

The Newsletter

Today I sent out the first of hopefully many Christmas family newsletters. You can read it if you want. Or you could take this time to beat your child. The choice is yours.

Woodman Family Newsletter — Christmas 2006

Oh, and Merry Christmas you lazy dead-beat child beater (yes, I have a pretty narrow demo).

Tags: newsletters
Dec 16
9:46 PM

The Father

eeks..

a picture of my father.. and people say i make them look bad in photos..
Tags: spuds
Dec 15
2:59 PM

What My Survey Said

I got a request today to fill out a customer survey for 1&1, my new webhost. I always do these surveys regardless of who asks and how awesome they are/aren’t, mostly cause of the last page: free-form comments and suggestions. And God knows how I love to pass judgment… mostly cause it’s often directed at him.. but anyway, I thought I’d post my comments to 1&1 for all to read.

You dudes are awesome, yo.

My one problem was the link to this survey in your email. Specifically, that it opened in a new window. I really hate when things do that. But before you sent me that email to ask how things were, everything was good. So in the future, please don’t be the insecure girlfriend of webhosts. “Do you like me? Do you like me?” “Not if you keep asking.” It’s all about the confidence.

Keep up the good hosting work though.

Tags: feedback
Dec 13
8:50 PM

Olivers English Dictionary

Mediocre is ok with me..

Here’s a screen cap from monday’s daily show for those who either don’t have a TiVo, are too lazy to find their TiVo remote and press pause, or don’t watch the daily show and have only heard the term from me.. probably as I was requesting one for christmas..

Please note that in the latter case the definition i was referring to varied depending on how hot you are and how much of a dude you’re not..

The entry for olivers english dictionary in olivers english dictionary..
Tags: spuds / late night tv
 
5th in series mugging
Dec 10
3:49 PM

The Water Dish

Today kids I’m going to tell you story of how Bernard met his new water dish

Bernard having a drink..

So there’s Bernard drinking out of his newest water dish. But as you can almost tell from that picture, it’s not a real fake-dog water dish. No, it is in fact a mug. It all started a few weeks ago.

2 WEEKS AGO

I decided to spend a couple days looking around the city for decent mugs. On the advice of my sister, of whom the awful mug collection belongs, I checked out a particular store that had always seemed a little snooty for my taste.

Upon visiting this establishment (and not getting the usual dirty looks just for going in there) I happened upon these white beauties with silver booties and handles. They sure looked pretty, but what sealed the deal were the super-cute matching steam-logo ankle tattoos. I took both of them home with me.

The steam-logo twins..

They looked incredible, and I couldn’t wait to have my way with them. Once home, I unwrapped the twins, and held them.. one in each hand. They felt soft against my skin. I began to tense as I was overwhelmed with the thought of slowing bringing each one to my mouth. Not even wanting to take the time to make a decent pot of coffee, I went to the fridge for a cold beverage. I chose the milk. I’m not sure why I chose milk.

Anyway, it was then the problems began. They were awkward and uncomfortable, like they had never had anyone caress them before. Maybe they were made to be looked at and not touched like some fancy china plate. Though I can understand not wanting to touch the china plate anyway.. they’re pretty flat.

So after several trial runs, I finally gave up trying to use the twins the way I wanted. I even tried dripping caramel over their hot-chocolate-filled bodies and licking it off, but none of us enjoyed that.

What else then could they be used for I wondered.. what about for snack foods:

my cup runeth over..

That looked like it had some potential, but the narrow opening and the limited volume nixed that idea. Doritos. I bet you can’t eat just 18.

This next idea came mainly from the mother of invention, necessity (as opposed to the father of invention, boredom.. it’s a shame those two aren’t together anymore.. I guess it’s no surprise given they got married so young):

uh.. well, maybe it would work for finger sandwiches..

Yeah, that was perhaps the worst thing I’ve eaten a sandwich off of. (Well, second maybe to the coast of new england.. man, that was some wet bread.) So I guess that rules out all of my uses. My diet does, after all, solely consist of beverages, sandwiches and Doritos.

Bernard on the other hand could find no fault with the twins. They look so much alike.. he probably thought it was just another i-species.

you can see the excitement on his face..

So I gave the mugs to bernard, and he’s been happily drinking water out of the top two inches of them since. And that’s the story of how Bernard met his new water dish.

Dec 9
5:30 PM

Housular Awesomulence

a place to rest the weary soles of my shoes..

I should preface this by saying that I don’t want a house. There’s something about actually owning a piece of the world that scares me more than diving into a giant tub of.. well, water.. I can’t swim.

But anyway, I saw the for sale sign on this house a while back and thought that it’s a pretty neat lookin’ house in a pretty neat location. Curious to see what it looks like on the inside, I hopped to my trusty computing terminal. And oh yes, it was all that and a bag of chipped 100-yr old floorboards.. you know, assuming you ignore the old-blind-couple decor.

check that old-world charm..

You’d also have to acquire the attached house and turn it into one super-giant super-creepy mega-house.. not a problem though, as a couple weeks of living next to me and that house would so be for sale..

So I guess the moral here is that if you’re ever going to give me house, this is the kind of thing you want to look for..

Tags: angus buys a house
Dec 9
1:44 PM

Sexy, no?

I’m bringin’ taglines back.. them other bloggas don’t know how to act..

No, your eyes are not broked, you’re not dreaming and you are at the right (well, correct at least) place.. the new design has arrived. Now I know you’re excited to start clicking around and see what’s new, what’s gone and what doesn’t work so you can berate me in the comment section, but first allow me to briefly discuss the changes:

  • There are no more comments. So you can keep your scathing remarks to yourself.. or perhaps you can get them to me via messenger or e-mail or by leaving anonymous messages on my voice mail claiming to be an irate king of france. Either way, if you’re wondering why I axed em, read the first post of John Mayer’s blog. I’d ask what you all think of this change, but you can’t reply to posts anymore.. sucka!
  • I blue it.. couldn’t have the super green theme up for winter.. I’m not in california..
  • New site tagline.. man, I can see so that on shirts..
  • Post taglines! I took them out when I moved to WordPress, but I want them back. So there they are, just optional unlike the last time I used them.
  • The sidebar has been cut to pieces and reassembled as a couple lists of links on the bottom of the page. The website equivalent of boxing up your old clothes and storing them in the attic. A clean site means a clean mind. And before you (try to) complain, I going to take care of the way-too-long-it-goes-off-the-page-sometimes category lists.
  • Geoff’s posting frequency plug-in is goin’.. just mouse over the post count in the top right.. though I still had to use my own hackery for the 2006 post-per-day stuff.. hey, Geoff, what’s the deal man? (Note that I’m probably just missing something, but I can blame Geoff cause he has no way to retort here.. sucka!)
  • No stock photo! That’s a first..

So that’s about it.. a couple things yet to come:

  • Still need a sensible about section.. though lacking general context kinda goes with the randomitity around these parts..
  • Make that search thing better..
  • I think the category-per-post joke has run its course, so I’m gonna do some sorting and turn them into (kinda) proper tags or something..

And there you have it.. and now I have to get back to posting for a while.. I’m still a 162 posts away from the finish line..

Tags: this site
Dec 6
11:09 AM

If you’re into fatties..

I won’t go into the story behind it (that’s easy enough to find) but I couldn’t not link to it:

http://www.hornymanatee.com/

Tags: late night tv
Dec 5
1:34 PM

Suss Spence

It’s been a long time coming, but Jeremy “Andrew” Spence has started a blog. So we can all look forward to posts about fine coffee, fast cars, and fervently farming carrots. (Well, maybe not that last one.) Personally, I’m interested in seeing him balance the meticulous crafting of every sentence and, well, what can only be decribed as chronic lethargy..

Tags: sites of guys named jeremy or emmanuel
Dec 4
5:07 AM

The Back

And here are the badges on the back of my celica.. all wet and shiny..





the back of my celica tsunami.. so pretty.. though i don’t know how it got tagged with ‘puppy’ in flickr..
Tags: spuds
idlerhythm.com is Angus Woodman' blog